


Adagio Con Amore

by Lindsay_marie



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War II, Holocaust, M/M, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 04:38:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16527521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lindsay_marie/pseuds/Lindsay_marie
Summary: The year is 1929, and life as Robert Schwarze is about to change forever. As an aspiring violinist, his whole life is surrounded by music. That is until the economy crashes at the same time his life does. Times in Germany are especially hard for people like Robert since the end of the Great War. Being a Jewish Homosexual is not a spot anyone wants to be in. Robert finds peace and stability in his music, and eventually love with the blonde curly haired boy he met on the streets of Berlin. But, as one war ends, another is just beginning."At age eighteen, I never knew what hell I’d be put through ten years later. But, neither did I know how free I’d be twenty years later. At age twenty, I was just your average university boy in Berlin - always just looking for a good party and some good beer. But, there was one thing that made me so much different than my peers. Little did I know that 1929 was the year my life would change forever."





	Adagio Con Amore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [youtxbe_music](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youtxbe_music/gifts).



-December 12, 1929-

I bow at the end of my recital and walk off stage practically smiling from ear to ear. My best friend, Augustus, though we just call him August, pats me on the back as I pass by him. “Robert, that was absolutely amazing, as usual. I wouldn’t expect any less from you.” He smiles at me warmly. I tighten the grip around the neck of my violin and adjust my view to the floor. “Awe, come on. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are the best performer this school has to offer.” He laughs, probably trying to lighten the mood, but he doesn’t know what he is doing to me. So, I shrug and walk back to the dressing rooms.

As I am putting my violin in its case, my parents walk in. My mother hugs me tightly while my father waits behind her. “You did amazing! I’m so proud of you!” Her embrace tightens. “We should celebrate.” she states as she lets go and backs slightly away from me.

“Actually, I was going to go out with August. He was going to take me to that club downtown,” I look down knowing my mother will be disappointed I don’t want to go out with her and that I am going to a club. Plus, August asked me, how could I say no to those green eyes and dusty brown hair. He’s like a shepherd puppy. Especially when he smiles. I catch myself smiling at the thought, so I shake it off.

My father pats me on the back, “Okay then. You have fun. Find yourself a girlfriend while you’re out.” I just nod in reply, and they leave.

Find myself a girlfriend, yeah. That shouldn’t be that hard, right? I consider myself at least somewhat attractive. Plus, how hard is it to like a girl? Not that hard, right? It shouldn’t be. There are plenty of pretty girls to like. I can find one. 

I walk out to the hall and stand in the back to watch August’s solo. He’s playing Sonata for Solo Violin In D Major Op. 115: II. Andante Dolce Theme and Variations by Dmitry Sitkovetsky. The way he feels the music is mesmerizing. I can feel every note resinate inside me. It feels like sitting in the sun on a July afternoon. I could never tell him the things I am thinking because he would hate me. But, maybe he’s like me. That pure face of his would never be a sinner like me. Maybe though… If I’m lucky.

August takes a deep breath as he lifts his bow from the strings. As he bows, he makes eye contact with me with a light smirk on his face. Suddenly, I feel like he was in my head this whole time. My cheeks heat up as I shake my head at him. I wonder if he knows he makes my heart race, my palms sweat, my stomach burn, my knees weaken, my mind spin… I wonder if he knows.  
A couple minutes pass before I feel his shoulder meet mine. He whispers warmly into my ear, “Let’s get out of this place.” The warmth of his breath against my ear and neck sends shivers down my spine. I know what he means, but my mind can’t help but wander to wishes of what I wanted those words to mean. He grabs my arm and starts to drag me out of the building. His firm grip around my wrist is the only thing that keeps me from zoning out completely.

August doesn’t let go until we are outside the club. I still feel the warmth of his hand on my wrist even though it’s just below freezing outside. “Okay, so here’s the plan Robbie.”

“Don’t call me that.” I cut him off crossing my arms over my chest and shaking my head at him. Robbie is what my mother called me until I was fourteen years old and had to beg her to stop. Apparently nothing is more funny to August that calling me by my old nickname.

August smiles and punches my shoulder playfully. “Anyways, the plan is, we go in there, get drunk, find two beautiful girls, and we dance the night away.” His plans always involve the same two things - beer and girls. I always decide to just laugh and play along with his games.

“Under one condition: If she can tell me at least one classical piece of music, I might give her a chance. Maybe.” He just shakes his head at me and pulls me inside.

The music hits me as soon as the door opens. The sounds of Jazz fills the room and people are dancing all over the floor. August smiles at me and walks over to the bar, orders two beers and automatically spots his first target. She’s tall, long blonde hair pulled into a tight bun, her light blue eyes could pierce a man from across the street. Certainly August’s type, not mine, at all. I watch as he flirts with the girl. He is so desperate it hurts. I wish he could just see what is right in front of him.

After a couple of minutes of desperate flirting, August walks back over defeated. “Ugh,” he groans, “If I don’t find a girl soon my mother’s going to think I’m a fairy.” This comment makes my heart drop. How am I supposed to reply to this? Just mess with him, that will through him off.

“August, how do you even know what fairy means unless you are one?” I joke. He glares at me in response. His sharp expression feels like a bullet straight to the brain.

“I am not a fucking homosexual. Don’t you ever say that again. Ever.” I watch as his thumbs anxiously spin around each other. I can’t read him. I can’t tell if this is because he’s nervous someone will hear and think he is gay, or someone will hear and know he is gay. I know the only way around this is not to think about it so much and just drink more. If I’m drunk, my feelings won’t hurt as much.

That is just what I do. Drink after drink until I can’t feel anymore. After about five beers into my system, I spot August from across the dance floor. Maybe I should just tell him how I feel. Maybe he’ll understand. He is my best friend after all. I really should just tell him. I mean, I’m in love with him. He’ll have to understand.

I stand from my seat and walk over to him. I feel like I am on a mission, pushing through the crowd of people. I finally reach him and I grab his shoulder. “August!” I yell over the music, “We need to talk!” He looks at me confused and nods. I walk with him him to the back into a hall of random rooms. I rest a hand on his shoulder and look him into the eyes.

“Robert what’s the matter?” His eyes scan over me like he’s trying to read what’s wrong with me.

“I must tell you a secret. You can not tell anyone, okay?” I put a finger to his lips. “Shh.” He furrows his thick eyebrows together.

“Okay, I won’t tell anyone…” His voice lowers to a whisper unsure of what I am going to say next.

“August, you are my best friend… and I love you.” I put my hands on his cheeks. He just smiles and shakes his head at me. 

“I love you too buddy. Now come on, you’re drunk.” He puts a hand on my shoulder.

“No. August. Listen to me. I’m in love-love with you.” He stands there frozen in his spot. I can’t tell if he’s good surprised or bad surprised. My drunk mind decides good surprised. So, I lean in and rest my lips on his. 

August pushes me away. “What the hell!” He wipes his face with his shirt sleeve. “Listen, you’re my best friend and I don’t want to stop being friends with you but, I don’t think I can be seen with you if you’re a homo.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, obviously uncomfortable. 

“August I know you might think I’m sick, but I’m not. I’m still the same Robert you knew years ago. I swear.” I know he doesn’t believe me but, I don’t want to lose him. Not because I love him but, because he’s my best friend and I’ve known him forever. I know he won’t want to be seen with me anymore. I should just accept it but, all the memories between us just gone like that.

“Robert I- “ he stops and sighs, “I’m sorry just pretend this never happened, okay? Just get some help.” He reachers to pat my back but pulls his hand away like he’s afraid to touch me. Like he’ll catch my disease. August walks away.

Apparently I was crying because I reach up and feel my cheeks, and they’re wet. I know I’m too drunk to go home but, I don’t think I can be here anymore. I walk out from the hall I was hiding in, and I see august with his tongue down a random girl’s throat. This time, I can feel the tears. Without even saying goodbye, I run out of the club. 

I walk down the empty streets of Berlin with tears still running down my face. I know there is something wrong with me, I just don’t want to accept it. My whole life has been a lie. Everything about it. I don’t know who I am anymore. I lost my best friend, and he’s probably going to tell the whole world that I am a sinning, lying, disgusting, sick faggot. I don’t even know what I would do. Yeah I won’t go to jail for kissing a man, but my parents will reject me, my whole religion will reject me. I’m a failure. I’m an absolute failure. It says so in Torah, Leviticus 20:13 - If a man lies with a male as one lies with a woman, the two of them have done an abhorrent thing; they shall be put to death—their bloodguilt is upon them. While I have yet to lie with a man, I can’t imagine that that day will not come. I want to spend the rest of my life with a man, just like my mother and father. I want to be happy, and I know I will be lying to myself if I lie with a woman. I don’t think I could possibly do that to myself. But then again, it’s that or hell. I’m so deep in my thoughts, that a ball hits me in the face knocking me on the ground.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please comment and leave a kudos! It really does encourage me to write more! I will be entering this for National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo for short). I really hope y'all stick around and keep reading. I can't wait to see where this will go!


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